How to Thrive Not Just Survive

Back in 2022, I planned a new beginning. Years of caring for my three disabled sons had left me craving a deeper connection with myself. As adults, my sons' needs were evolving and my role began changing from direct caregiver to support advocate.
When my parents moved here to Utah, it was to bring them closer to family, allowing us to provide extra support in their twilight years.
I found myself up against an impossible choice: put my life on hold indefinitely or risk neglecting their needs. That's when I knew it was time for something different, starting with stronger boundaries.
Caregiving is a demanding journey, often leaving us feeling depleted and overwhelmed. As a caregiver for both my family and my aging mother, I understand the challenges of balancing the needs of loved ones with your own. As you read on, I will share with you my strategies for prioritizing care and setting healthy boundaries. I hope that one or more of the ideas will work for you.
The Importance of Self-Care
The saying "You can't pour from an empty cup" is true for caregivers. How can we be there fully for others if we deplete our energy?
Self-care is not a luxury but a necessity.
I think most of us believe this but still find it difficult to allow time for ourselves without feeling guilty. Many caregivers are also empaths, absorbing the emotions with others which results in being even more difficult to recognize the need for self-care. However, ignoring ourselves can lead to greater problems such as compassion fatigue and burnout.
Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers
1. Establish Boundaries:
Setting clear emotional boundaries is vital for any caregiver. It’s important to know when to say “no” to additional responsibilities. Caregiving can stretch you thin, especially when resources are limited. If you're able to receive help with even the smallest of tasks, please do so.
If not, you may need to sit down and think about what you can reasonably let go of. A neighbor can help with garbage cans, saving you the time of running across town to their home. Try establishing specific times when you’re unavailable. It may take time and commitment but it’s important.
Don't just rely on what you think is enough, ask yourself how it feels.
Do you still feel pressured or overwhelmed? If so, allow yourself to step back more, you can always step forward later. I know this sounds impossible.
It has taken me two years to get to where I can go to my mom's house 2-3 times a week instead of daily. Maybe have boundaries on how many times your parent or other loved one can call in a day (unless an emergency) or how long the visits are when you do.
By creating those boundaries, you will not only protect your energy leading to a higher level of well-being, but will also increase the quality of care you can provide to your loved one.
2. Try Mindfulness Techniques:
Are you familiar with mindfulness? It's about being in the moment. You may be familiar with meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. Without these practices, I would still be caught up in the whirlwind I found myself in the last couple of years. Mindfulness grounds us in the moment. Even just 10-15 minutes a day can help us to connect it with our inner peace and can provide the support we need against the emotional demands of caregiving. If you're feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to give mindfulness a try. Even a few minutes of deep breathing can make a difference.
Schedule Yourself Time
Go ahead, I'll wait. Pull out that calendar, pick a day, and schedule a favorite activity in your favorite ink color. Making time for yourself is critical, especially when you're caregiving. I was already giving myself time, but it didn't seem enough. I was so conflicted that I felt like I was in quicksand, completely helpless. How could I possibly pull back for myself without neglecting my family and my mom?
It wasn't until I began to see the future with a big arrow pointing to burnout that I made a decision that changed my perspective and I began to make small changes. I started saying "no" to extra commitments, waking up 30 minutes earlier for my yoga stretches, and scheduling monthly coffee with a close friend. These were my non-negotiables, and they helped me recharge so I could be a better caregiver."
4. Seek Support
I know, this one is tough. When my boys were little, I honestly didn't know anyone who could help, and even when I did, I had no clue what to ask for. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking we have to do it all alone. But slowly, over time, my perspective changed. I realized that it's okay to ask for help and that there are people who genuinely want to support me.
If you don't have anyone who can help you with your caregiving responsibilities, try connecting with friends and family who can provide emotional support. Schedule a regular phone call with a friend to vent. And don't underestimate the power of online support groups or caregiver forums. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone can make a world of difference.
5. Prioritize Your Well-Being
Please trust me on this...your physical health is directly connected to your emotional state, and when we're exhausted and running on fumes, we simply can't provide the best care for our loved ones. Remember to eat. You can't live off of coffee (or soda) and a cup of yogurt or indulge in ice cream for very long without consequences. I learned this the hard way when my boys were young, and it took years to get my health back.
Now, I'm making a conscious effort to nourish my body with whole foods, stay hydrated by keeping a water bottle with me throughout the day, and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Thankfully, I love walks (except in winter) and yoga, so I try to incorporate those into my routine regularly.
Even a quick 10-minute stretching session can make a difference! If you're currently neglecting your health, don't beat yourself up, accept where you are. It takes time to learn and implement new habits. Even small changes can provide you with the energy and resilience you need as a caregiver.
6. Embrace Creativity
Embrace Creativity. Remember earlier when I suggested taking time to do what you love? Caregiving can be emotionally draining, and creative outlets provide a safe space to express and process those feelings healthily.
And before you say you're not creative, remember that creativity takes many forms! It could be writing in a journal, reading a good book, dancing to music, picking out flowers for your garden, doodling, or coloring. Perhaps you enjoy cooking a new recipe, playing a musical instrument, or even redecorating a room.
The important thing is to do something that lightens your heart, helps you feel expressive, and brings you joy. Engaging in creative activities can reduce stress, boost your mood, and even help you connect with your inner self. What activity sparks your creative spirit?
7. Give Yourself Permission to Do Nothing
Do you feel exhausted? Then take a nap or stop at the park on your way back from taking your loved one to an appointment. It may feel counterintuitive, but sometimes the most productive thing you can do is absolutely nothing. Let the laundry pile for a day, let the phone calls wait, and take the time you need to restore your mental and physical energy.
Rest allows you to recharge, improves your focus, reduces stress, and helps you regulate your emotions, so you can show up as the best version of yourself. Even if it is simply sitting on your front porch in the morning while you drink your coffee, embrace those moments of stillness.
Slow down! You deserve this time to recharge. Give yourself the gift of rest.
8. Be Grateful
This has been a game-changer for me. When my boys were small, they were constantly in and out of the hospital, and I felt like my life was one trauma after another. Honestly, I used to be one of those people who couldn't think of anything to be thankful for because I was too busy focusing on all the hardships.
But fortunately, over time, I learned how to shift my perspective. Even on the worst days, I can find something to be grateful for, whether it's a warm sunny day, a shared laugh with a good friend, or a moment of quiet.
Focusing on gratitude can transform your perspective from seeing all the negative to choosing to see the positive, and that makes it easier to prioritize self-care and find moments of joy even amidst the challenges of caregiving. Those walks in fresh air and cat naps will feel even more restorative when you approach them with a grateful heart.
Set time for yourself to relax and appreciate the good in your life.
9. Get Out in Nature
Spending time in nature is incredibly restoring.. At the moment I am writing this article, it's deep winter in my part of the world, but even just sitting in a cozy chair with my favorite blanket while watching the snow fall refreshes me. Connecting to nature provides a feeling of tranquility which lifts my mood.
Just walking to your mailbox while listening to the birds sing can provide you with a moment of peace. If you can't get outside, try bringing nature indoors with houseplants, nature sounds, or even a beautiful nature documentary.
If you find yourself weighed down by thoughts, try a simple grounding exercise, like focusing on the sensations of your feet on the ground or the feeling of the sun on your skin. This will help you become more present and truly appreciate the beauty around you.
10.Reflect On What You Can Do
I hope these ideas inspire you, but please don't feel overwhelmed if you're new to them. I didn't learn or become consistent with all these methods overnight. It has taken many years. Take some time to reflect on your current self-care routine.
What's working well? What could be improved? What one small change can you make today to prioritize your well-being?
You might want to journal about it. Your needs may change based on your personal experiences and feelings. By being open to adjusting your self-care routines, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges of caregiving and experience greater emotional well-being.
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be the best possible caregiver for your loved ones, giving yourself permission to rest and recharge.
Embracing Your Worth
We, as caregivers, understand the profound impact we have on the lives of those we love. But remember, prioritizing your well-being is not selfish; it's an act of love for both yourself and those you care for.
It does require always remembering to care for yourself, which I know is easier said than done. I hope reading my story helps you realize that self-care is your responsibility to not only yourself but also to those you care for. Because only when you take care of yourself, will you be fully available to help others.
What it all comes down to, is that the love you give comes from within you. If your inner well is depleted, you will have nothing to left to share. Remember to take the time to recharge, reflect, and find ways to fill your well.
What will you do today to nourish your spirit? By embracing self-care, you're not only surviving but thriving, as a caregiver.
Thank you for reading.
Angela Chavez
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